Resolve
by heavenly-vixen
Summary: An extension to the flash forward of Jack and Kate from the finale. This is NOT a Jate fic. SKATE all the way.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Resolve

Rating: T

Ship: Skate

Description: An extended scene to the flash forward of Jack and Kate from the finale. This is NOT a Jate fic. SKATE all the way.

Spoilers: The season 3 finale.

Disclaimer: Oh please. Is anyone stupid enough to believe that I have any affiliation with Lost??

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She parked her car and saw him standing by his. For a moment she hesitated. She couldn't go down this road again; she had so much more to lose now. But seeing him again was awakening that part of her that had been dormant for so long. That part of her that craved his acceptance like a child from a parent. So stepping out of the car she made her way toward him.

Kate was almost amused; as she walked towards Jack the only thing that played through her mind was an image of another man. So different from their time on the island. Whenever she looked at Jack there, she saw all that she could have, all that she could be. And it was for that reason that she'd followed him so faithfully for so long. But now, as she looked at the man before her, with his shaggy beard and shaking hands, all she saw was everything she had to lose. All she saw was everything she loved that had nothing to do with him, but falling back into old habits with Jack could cost her more than a bruised ego now. She wouldn't allow anything he said, anything he did, to put that in jeopardy. She wouldn't allow herself to.

Kate whispered a greeting as he whispered one in return. It was harder than she thought it would be; making small talk with him. They'd always been able to talk so easily. But being out here now with him, after so long, it was strained. The easy relationship they once had was long since dead and buried. And she wondered, for what wasn't the first time, why she'd agreed to come at all.

Her eyes swept over him taking in the image of the man she'd once held to such high esteem. His hands were definitely shaking, and his beard was almost comical. But what worried her most about his unkempt appearance was the blood shot eyes that looked at her, and the sweat that beaded every where she could see. Jack was a junky. The doctor she'd admired for so long was a junky. She'd seen enough in her attempts to flee the law before the crash to know the signs. And by the looks of it, he was further gone than anyone around him probably had any idea.

"You look terrible." She hadn't even intended to say it, but she couldn't deny she was thinking it. He swayed gently; it wasn't from a fierce wind. Her mind suddenly focused on the car. He'd driven here, in this state; he'd gotten behind the wheel of a car. The man she knew never would have done that. He never would have put anyone else's life in danger like that; he would have condemned anyone who even had the thought.

"Why did you call me Jack?" She'd had enough of stupid, meaningless small talk. There was always a reason with Jack. There always had been. He'd never just wanted to see her, to talk to her. There was always something he wanted from her. Something he needed her to do 'for the greater good'. It had taken her so long to realise that. But finally, after all the 'missions' on the island, after they'd finally got a call through to potential rescue she'd seen it. Jack was used to being in charge of everything in his life, the operating room, the castaways, but he could never control her. And now, the control freak in him was losing a battle against a world that would refuse to bend to his will. Staring at her like he was, he'd lost complete control of everything around him, even himself.

"I was hoping that you'd heard, that maybe you'd go to the funeral"

She stared at the paper in her hand; it was crumpled, like he'd been carrying it around for a while. She knew that pain. Placing all the weight of the world onto an object small enough to fit into your back pocket to remind you daily of your mistakes. It was something she knew better than almost everyone else. All except one.

But as she stared at the words on the paper she couldn't believe he would ask that of her. How he could think that, for one second, she would allow this person to take another moment of her life was testament to how little he actually knew about her. As much time as circumstances forced them to spend together, he knew nothing about her. He had no idea who she was.

"Why would I go to the funeral?" Her voice sounded almost foreign to her own ears as she fought back the anger that welled inside of her. She wanted to rip the paper to pieces, but instead she handed it back with what she hoped was a hard look.

"Been flying a lot." His statement seemed strange and so far removed from anything they'd been talking about that she almost believed she hadn't heard him right.

"What?"

He continued on, rambling about flying to Tokyo, Sydney. It didn't make any sense. After everything they'd been through, she never wanted to see a plane again. Why would he put himself back on one willingly?

"Why?" She asked, but as soon as the word passed her lips she knew she wasn't just asking why he flew all around the world like it was a trip to the park, but why he had brought her out here to tell her this. Why, now, he wanted to share a part of himself with her that she didn't want to have.

"Cause I want it to crash Kate." He whispered and the look in his eyes was like nothing she'd ever seen in him before. Maybe it was the drugs. Maybe not. But whatever was making him this way, she hated it. "I don't care about anyone else on board." His voice conveyed a pain that was contradictory to the look in his eyes. The pain in his voice was meant to convey his 'remorse' for the callousness towards others that he displayed. But she knew better. She looked into his eyes and saw it for what it truly was. Pain caused by his inability to attain what he wanted most. The pain of a selfish man, who had complete disregard for a world that would stand in his way. It broke her heart. Was this what lay underneath the man that she'd looked up to so much on the island?

Were these his true colours? Just like she'd been shown James' true colours as he proved himself to be a strong, honourable man, was she now being shown that Jack was the man they'd all accused Sawyer of being?

"I actually close my eyes and I pray that I can get back." His voice broke through her thoughts and a tear slipped down her cheek. She felt like she was in mourning. Like Jack Sheppard, the man who'd appeared to be so strong and righteous, was dead. And in his place was a mere shell of a person.

If he thought that this display, and she had no doubt that this was just that; an act, would convince her to leave everything behind and follow him again he was sadly mistaken. She'd told him, when they'd first arrived back in civilisation that she was leaving the island behind her and moving on with her life. That any obligation she felt for him she was abandoning in order to live rather than merely exist. She was determined to live the life she'd been denied since the day she'd leaked the gas that took Wayne's life.

"This is not gonna change…" She began to speak, but his rushed voice cut through her own and interrupted her. She tried to maintain control, but her emotions were welling up and the loss, the fear, the anger, would all rise in a fit of rage if she couldn't keep herself in check.

"No. I'm sick of lying." His words failed to register, they didn't make sense, and Kate feared that for a moment it was the drugs that were speaking to her. But she was most surprised to find that as the fleeting thought that it was the drugs that controlled this entire conversation found its way across her mind, she wasn't relieved, or hopeful. She was just tired. Tired of it all. Tired of being woken up during the night by the buzzing of the phone. Tired of being interrupted during the day by the familiar name appearing on her cell display. She'd had enough. It was all enough.

"We made a mistake." The pleading was in his eyes, but what he needed, what he believed he needed, she couldn't give him. No one could. And it dawned on her that this need that was driving him would eventually be his demise. He would die trying to find something that wasn't there to find. A mistake that never occurred.

"I have to go, he's going to be wondering where I am." Kate knew that it was an easy way out. A pathetic attempt to pull away from him and drive away. She even knew that it wouldn't work. That he would pull her back and try to convince her again. Convince her of something she knew with her whole being to be false.

"We weren't supposed to leave." As the words left his mouth, she had to stop herself from laughing mirthlessly. Instead she reigned in her emotions, and looked at him with what she hoped wasn't pity, though she knew it was in her eyes.

"Yes we were." Kate still hoped that there was enough of the 'island Jack' left inside this broken man to realise the rationality that lay in those words. But as she looked into his eyes for the millionth time that night, she could see that she wasn't getting through. It was over. "Goodbye Jack." She whispered and turned before he had a chance to try to bring her back once again.

As she reached for the car door and opened it to step inside, she heard his voice calling to her. Kate hesitated for a moment before, pulling away and walking towards him again. There was something in the tone of his voice as he screamed 'We have to go back' at her that made her lose control. The whirl of emotions built inside of her and released in a fit of rage that she couldn't prevent from erupting. She stomped towards him and before she knew it, she'd pushed him backwards roughly until he was leaning up against his car, and she was yelling.

"Damn it Jack! I don't know what the hell has happened to you but you have to snap out of this. Get yourself clean and get over it." She screamed at him. She'd had enough.

"It's not that simple Kate. We have to go back. We weren't supposed to come back here." As he looked at her, his eyes begging her to understand, she paused. He really was a mere shell of the man she thought he had been. And seeing him now, like this, she wondered if he had ever been that man at all.

"Did you really hate the life you had here that much Jack?" She asked softly. All the anger had drained from her, and now, all she felt was pity.

"Didn't you?"

"No Jack. Before the crash, yes. But now… I have a great life. I have husband and children. Do you remember that Jack? Do you remember that I'm a mom?" She asked with the gentle tone she often used when speaking to her children.

"I remember you have a daughter." He whispered and for a moment Kate thought she saw lucidity in his eyes. But the haze of the drugs in his system quickly over rode any glimmer that may have appeared.

"Yes Jack. And I may not have her if we had stayed on the island. I may have died and lost her and Jame…" She stopped abruptly as the thought brought tears to her eyes. "I have a son now too. He's 6 months old. Looks just like his daddy." She answered and couldn't stop the smile that pulled at her lips at the mention of her baby.

"How is he? Keeping out of trouble?"

The smile that had found its way on to her face had dropped the moment Jack uttered those words. He'd never had any faith in James.

"Yes Jack. He's a better man than you ever gave him credit for. He's smart, and loyal, and honourable. He works at a publishing house now, you know?" The pride was evident in her voice. She was proud of James. Sawyer was dead. No one called him that anymore. James had survived the plane crash and now had a loving family and an honest job.

"Suppose he's got better glasses now." Jack smiled in an attempt at humour but it fell on deaf ears. Kate was in no mood to joke.

"I have to go home to them now Jack. And I hope you are able to find whatever peace you are looking for. But me, I've already found it, and it is not back on that island. It is here with James and the kids. I'm through running Jack. Don't you think it's time you stopped too?" She backed away from him and headed to her car. She paused at the door as he called her name again.

"Kate. What are their names? The kids?"

Kate looked at him, hesitating for just a moment. Before the smile that lit her face could no longer be denied.

"Ava and Josh." The happiness her children had brought her surpassed anything she ever dreamed possible. She'd originally been so afraid of being a mother, of being a bad mother, but with James they'd found a comfortable rhythm as parents and discovered that it was something they'd both been born to do. And even now, as she spoke of them, the light that appeared in her eyes couldn't be ignored. Not even by Jack.

"They look like you?" Jack asked and Kate chose to ignore that he'd already forgotten that she'd told him that Josh looked just like James. It was lost in the haze of the drugs.

"Ava has my colouring and James's dimples. And Josh is just the spitting image of his Daddy. They're beautiful." She smiled as she opened the door. "And they're waiting for their mom."

Jack nodded and smiled at her one last time, raising his hand in a small wave.

"Goodbye Jack." She whispered before disappearing inside the car and quickly pulling away.

Kate looked in the rear-view mirror at the man that had held her unwavering faith for so long who seemed so absent, and finally understood what had made her come here tonight. Why she'd finally given in. She'd needed closure. She needed to see him again and resolve, once and for all, the image she had in her mind's eye of him. To finally allow the little piece of her that craved his acceptance to no longer remain dormant, but to understand that there was no acceptance there to be offered. She'd found her acceptance and he was waiting at home for her.

She pulled the car into the drive and walked up the front steps into their house. He was waiting for her in the living room, rocking Josh in his arms. The baby, fast asleep was gripping his daddy's shirt tightly in one tiny little fist. She had to smile. Josh always loved being with James. Lying on his chest napping, clutching to his shirt, or being wrapped up in his strong arms. She couldn't blame the little guy; it was her favourite place too.

James looked up at her and smiled softly, taking one hand from the baby to reach for her. Kate sat down beside him and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"How is ol' Jacko?" James asked in that deep southern drawl that could always send a shiver down her spine. She couldn't help but smile; of course he knew where she'd been.

"He was high." She stated and could feel James tense at the statement. "He's a junky. Kept saying how we had to go back to the island. He's lost his mind James."

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head.

"You going to ask me why I didn't tell you I was going to see him? Or why I went to see him at all?"

"Ok sure. Why freckles?" He asked in that teasing tone he loved to use with her. But she could still hear the fear that hid behind it. He still sometimes had the odd bought of self doubt and fear when it came to Jack. It stemmed from old wounds; he still didn't really believe that he deserved her, or the family they'd created. He still sometimes felt that he was her second choice, no matter how many times she reassured him that for her, there had been no choice at all.

"I don't know really. I guess I thought you'd be upset. Or maybe that you'd try to talk me out of going. I wanted to go." She paused waiting for him to comment, but he remained silent, the only sign that he heard her; the slight stiffening of his body. "I needed to see for myself. It wasn't pretty, baby… It's done now though. I don't know if he was ever what I thought he was." Her voice had a finality that registered within James and she felt him relax against her.

"I don't know what to tell you freckles, because I don't know if he was either." The regret was evident in his voice. He didn't want her to be disappointed, or hurt. And he knew that Jack's current state did disappoint her. It did hurt her.

"I love you." The words came to her now with an ease she'd never known. She no longer bit back the urge to suppress them, or struggled to get them past her lips when the need to vocalise them became too much to contain.

"I love you too." James whispered back, he too no longer struggling with the affirmation. It wasn't said with an all too familiar frequency, but enough that the words were known to be true and yet foreign enough that the sound still made them tremble. "But do me a favour freckles?" His voice held a vulnerability that cut straight through to her heart, and she knew she wouldn't deny him anything he asked of her. Nothing! Just so that vulnerability, that fear that still lingered inside of him, would leave him forever.

"Anything baby." Kate answered, and felt his body tense slightly as he chose his words carefully. Whatever it was, whatever he needed from her, she knew it would be asked in a mild tone, regardless of the weight the words carried.

"Change your number tomorrow." His voice was but a whisper, but the implications of his words were heard as loud as if he had shouted them. He needed her to finally move on. She'd put whatever feelings she had for Jack behind her long ago, but now it was time to let go completely. She knew that, she'd come to the same realisation earlier in the night, but James needed to hear it from her now too.

Kate removed her head from its resting place on his shoulder and looked up into his face. Into his steel blue eyes, that could see right into her, read her better than any one ever had before and ever would again. She saw the moment he understood what epiphany she had experienced that night. She saw it; because she could read him as well as he could read her. She didn't need to say the words, to answer him, but she would. She would give voice to this promise, and leave the past where it lay behind them.

Kate leaned up and captured his lips in a searing kiss that held the passion that had always engulfed them, and had never diminished. Neither could imagine that it ever would. But as she pulled away, it wasn't the passion that stood out in his eyes, but the love. He loved her like she never thought possible. He loved her, as she loved him. She would never deny him anything.

"Done."

The End.

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	2. Chapter 2 Jack's POV

Title: Resolve

Chapter: II – Jack's POV

Rating: T

Ship: Kate/Sawyer

AN:

You asked for it, you got it! Jack's POV after Kate drives away from him in the first chapter. Let me know what you think.

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He could only watch as she drove away. There was nothing else to do, or say, she didn't believe him. She didn't agree with him. She wasn't backing him up without question anymore. Things had changed. They always do of course, no matter how badly we'd like them to stay just as they are in the moment. They always change. Sometimes it's welcome, and sometimes it's not. When the plane crashed, that was just about the biggest change someone's life could ever experience. Being stranded on a deserted island, with nothing but the clothes on your back, or the scraps you could find in the luggage of those who weren't so lucky - or maybe lucky enough - and perished. Surrounded by strangers with no rescue in sight. Of course things changed. Life as they all had known it would never be the same again. But for him, for Jack Sheppard, even with all the danger, that change had saved his life. He'd been stuck in a life of mediocrity and he had been drowning in it. The crash had saved him from a pitiful existence, as far from a life as anyone could get.

He thought it would be better when they got back. Back to the mainland, to civilisation and the people who loved and cared about them. He'd been wrong. He'd never thought of what was waiting for anyone else who'd crashed on the island back in the 'real world'. But then, he'd never really thought of what was waiting for him. He'd never expected what he'd found. That his life, without him, still had not changed. His absence from that world had done nothing to help pull him out of the existence that had been threatening to drag him under and swallow him whole. He walked off the rescue boat and right into the life he'd left behind. It was the last thing he'd ever expected or wanted and he was left with nothing to occupy the swell, to hold it back, he didn't even have the quest anymore.

He knew what everyone had said, or at least thought, about him back on the island. They'd all looked to him to be their leader. Not because they thought he could handle it or because he was strong. But because they'd been weak, and he'd been there. He'd also just so happened to be a doctor. That was all they needed. And regardless of the fact that they'd chosen him, they'd all talked behind his back. He knew. Of course he knew. But he thought the fact that they'd chosen him meant something, that it negated the fact that they said he had a hero complex and made it easier for him to believe that he was just that. A Hero. Part of him had expected that he would be just that when he returned. That the stories of the noble doctor, who'd stood up amongst all the chaos and saved life after life while holding the unlikely band of survivors together, would elevate him further. That everything that he'd done, that he'd always believed he'd done for them, would make something of the man that had led a less than heroic existence. But it hadn't changed a thing.

Sure, for a while it had been different. His life had been changed. But after the media hype had died down, and there were no reporters left to interview him, no book deals to negotiate, it all had ended. He'd gone back to his old job and his life had returned to normal. The only problem was, he'd never wanted normal. The reality of his existence crashed over him in a painful tide and began its trek back to oblivion, trying to take Jack with it. No matter how hard it fought, it always tried to pull him under. So he'd found another branch to hold onto. Another quest to keep him afloat.

He'd spent every minute since trying to find a way back. Back to a place that needed him. Back to a place he needed. He couldn't live this life and he'd thought that they had that in common. After all she'd come back to prison time. Or so they'd thought. But she'd been cleared. He still didn't know how. But he remembered seeing the images of her walking out of the court room holding Sawyer's hand and smiling happily. Her life had been given back to her, and Jack felt like his had been taken away.

He didn't know when he'd started taking the pills, or when they stopped helping, and started controlling him. But it had happened, and now he couldn't find a way out of their haze, but worse yet, he didn't want to. He couldn't even tell you if it was the pills or himself, that had started calling her constantly. Regardless of his lack of success, he continued to call. They had something in common after all. There lives had been better on the island. Even with all the danger, with the constant threat of the others, and the ever looming fear of famine and infection, their lives had been better. She'd been free and he had a purpose higher than anything he'd ever experienced before.

Jack just always figured that they had that in common. That she would want to go back. That she did want to go back. He just assumed that Sawyer was holding her back. It never even occurred to him that he could be wrong, wrong about her and about Sawyer. It never occurred to him. But just moments ago she'd stood in front of him and told him all about her life. Her children. Kate was a mother, a wife. She had a life. A complete, whole life, with a family and friends and purpose. It was so simple, so incredibly real. It was everything.

He watched her car pull onto the main road and drive south. He knew where she lived, and if you asked him later he wouldn't be able to give you an exact reason for following her. He just knew it was something he had to do. He had to see for himself. He had to see this life she'd created, this world that he could never touch. Something completely separate from him, which would never be his. This world that had severed the last string that held them together. She didn't have faith in him anymore. In this world, she didn't need him, and that reality was surprisingly freeing.

When he pulled up outside her house, he saw her enter and waited. He just sat there, in his beat up truck, staring at her house. It wasn't at all what he'd expected. Much nicer. The settlement from Oceanic had obviously been good to them. It was beautiful, the kind of house that Jack had always wanted. The kind that you raised a family in, and had big family bbq's every Sunday when the children you'd raised together had children of their own. The kind of house that was a home. It was her home. Kate and James.

He didn't know what possessed him to climb out of the car and walk up to the house, but he suspected it was the same part of him that had dialled her number every day. As he approached the door, Jack suddenly stopped. His eyes were playing tricks on him. They had to be. He couldn't have seen what he thought he just saw. Jack stepped to the side and peered into the front window; into their living room.

But Jack's eyes hadn't been playing tricks on him. Either that or his mind had really succumbed to the drugs that coursed through his blood and this was all a hallucination. Because sitting on the sofa inside the house was Sawyer. His hair was shorter than the last time he'd seen him; about the same length it had been when they'd first crashed. But it wasn't how clean and well kept he looked; it was the baby lying asleep on his chest. It was Kate leaning her head against his shoulder, her hand clutching his free one.

Something in his mind clicked and he remembered Kate telling him earlier in the evening about her son. Who looked just like his daddy. Just like Sawyer. But hearing it was a totally different matter to seeing it. One can hear something and dismiss its validity, but seeing it in the light of day – or in the cast of the moonlight as the case may be – gave it life. It couldn't be denied or dismissed; it was brutally set out before him refusing to be ignored. It was lying against Sawyer's chest, clutching his shirt in his tiny little fist.

He stood there staring at the picture they made and remembered the girl. Kate had a daughter too. They were a family. This was a family he was looking at. Not a conman and a fugitive but a mother and father; a husband and wife. It was like a physical blow to his chest and Jack stumbled backward, his feet faltering in his attempts to flee. It was too real, it was all too real. Seeing them like that, it made his life, his quest seem like nothing. Like the crazy rant of a mad man. It made him see who he really was. Made Jack Sheppard face the man he'd become. It was frightening and painful and he felt his stomach contract as he fought the urge to purge it of its contents. It was all too much. Much too much and he had to get away from here now.

That wasn't supposed to be their lives. It was supposed to be his. Jack was supposed to be the family man, with a loving wife and adoring children. He was supposed to be the stable one, the good man. Not Sawyer. Sawyer was living the life that was meant for Jack, and it angered him beyond words. He wasn't ready to face the life he'd squandered in his desires to find something more, some greatness that he thought came from fame and adoration rather than actions and truth. He couldn't face it and he couldn't allow Sawyer to be the one that forced it. So he climbed back into the car and drove away with a squeal of his tyres, resolving to himself the fact that this was the last time he'd ever see or hear from Kate again.

The End.

Ok, depressing and not very Jack friendly, but there's no point in beating around the bush.


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